I certainly do not consider myself permanently dedicated to a crusade for peace and I am beginning to see the uselessness and absurdity of getting too involved with it. The chief reason why I have spoken out was that I felt I owed it to my conscience to do so. There are certain things that have to be clearly stated. I had in mind particularly the danger arising from the fact that some of the most belligerent people around us are relatives and close friends. They all tend to appeal to their own ‘holy crusade’ to be right to do wrong. This is completely intolerable and the truth has to be stated. I cannot in conscience remain indifferent.

There is here a cruel dilemma before us. Were we not taught how to forgive out of love, how to forget out of humility. So let us examine our hearts and see if there is any unforgiven hurt - any unforgotten bitterness. People often think of morality as a kind of bargain in which they can subordinate one’s right and fashion the issue according to their own rules of thumb. This, indeed creates a dangerous world – a world in which moral issues become a fertile ground to breed immorality.

Truth be told – Without wanting to sound condescending, you are not that stupid after all, and you ain’t that bad either. Your comment in my entry ref: “What’s Good For The Goose; Is Good For The Gander” may not entirely represent the essence of its goodwill, but it’s definitely a consolatory overture nonetheless. I read your comment with mix feelings of course and I discovered that when you least care to admit it, you feel more confused than thankful, more caught than called, and more worried than gracious.

Your retaliatory counter-threat against Ziehan however does not scare us. Lest you forget, it was I who wrote “I don’t fucking care if no one comes out of this smelling like roses.” So you want to expose Ziehan – shame on you. So Ziehan has a skeleton in her closet – shame on her. And that when you’re done, you also think that I will leave her – shame on me. Must I remind you that my love for Ziehan knows no bound? Must I also remind you that when I first fell in love with your sister, I fell in love with her not for who she was but for the woman she is. I cannot comprehend those rules of conduct that make you so content with yourself and so cold to a sister that you professed you love still.

Suppose I don’t give a damn about your retaliatory counter-threat. Suppose I were to put my balls in your court. Suppose I were to tell you – “Let’s play.” Now, do you suppose I sounded scared? Just do not poise yourself for a showdown if you do not have the stomach for it. I have no reason to suppose, that they, who would take away my liberty, would not when I play into their hands, take away my pride and every thing else.

Your observations, perceptions and beliefs are a blend of false information, biases, prejudices, in which morsels of truth swim around and give you the reassurance albeit false, that the whole concoction is real and true. Regrettably, this catalogue of errors that only offers you the singular illusion that we are rebels without a cause misguides you. So let us not be blind to our differences. Let us just direct the attention to our common purposes and to the means by which we can rehabilitate those differences.

In a matter pertaining to Ziehan’s entry that you purportedly said started all these, Ziehan might have done wrong all for her own right reasons. Right or wrong, whatever that reasons might be, she did it all within the confine of her personal and legitimate premise. Truth be told; I did not condone that – and Ziehan knew that then. Truth be told; I was just as displeased when she pulled that entry down. But between the principles and convictions that I am so committed to, I could never argue against her when I realized that she pulled the entry down all for the sake of a mother that she loves dearly. The matter was supposedly settled when Ziehan retracted the entry and likewise apologized when your cousin sought the same from her.

Now I ask you this question – was it not enough an apology when Ziehan replied to your cousin? Was it not enough a goodwill when Ziehan retracted her entry? And was it not enough to see your own mother on her knees that you now want to see your sister apologize publicly to these people in her blog? If it was up to me, your mum shouldn’t have sacrificed half her height to these people. Is it not the law of nature that when you place someone on a high pedestal, the higher they are, the smaller you’d become? Yes indeed - I would have been very angry if I were you. You asked me a question and that is my answer. But if I were you, I would have been angry only with myself. All for one reason and one reason alone – that you couldn’t do enough to salvage the dignity of a wonderful mother from the ‘holy’ feet of the high and mighty relative.

It also saddens me to note that you chose to persistently believe that I insulted John despite my assurance that my entry was just a figure of speech with no malice intended. You conveniently took my manuscript out of its context just so you could champion your right to be offended.

Insofar as my friend is concerned, you can continue to dance with the wolf. There is no love lost here – just trust me. Nobody can change a wolf into a butterfly – if she’s a wolf, she’s a wolf and that’s that. And I do not have the slightest inclination to make your blogging friends mine to play with in the first place. Whatever opinion they may have, it wouldn’t cost me anything – would it? When Ziehan’s rights to free speech becomes ‘mengumpat’ to you, it just sounded so funny to see you write “If your school friend and me discussed something concerning both of you, well too bad.” If that is not ‘mengumpat’ to you, just don’t stop on my account.

I would have loved to respond to all of your comments in my personal pursuit for justice. But I must admit that I could not possibly continue without discrediting you. For once you touched me with your sense of civility. Despite all these acrimonious spats, I do believe that all is not lost. I hope that our most important task now is to transform our consciousness so that this enmity is no longer an option for us in our personal lives, that understanding that a world of tolerance is possible only if we relate to each other as peaceful beings, one individual at a time. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. I know that there are eyes that watch all of us. There are judgments that weigh everything we do. I also know that every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of danger and must be fought for. Lick your wounds no more for I meant you no harm. As a matter of real concern that your comments might do you more harm than good, it is in your best interest therefore that I choose not to publish it. Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true, or beautiful, or good, makes complete sense in any immediate context of time; therefore, we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, could be accomplished alone; therefore, we must be saved by respect. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our own standpoint; therefore, we must be saved by the final form of respect, which is mutuality. I have a love story to tell, a train to catch, dreams to chase and a journey to complete - In time, I will let the truth reveals itself.