Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it. It moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find - at the age of forty-four, that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, write about, or talk about. It is as if a fresh sap of hopes was rising in you.

I've had more than my share of poignant moments too. During the most impressionable stage of my life, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. There were moments back then when I’m left with almost barely enough heart to stay alive. The world I created then has its own rule of fancy, and that was – If we have our own ‘WHY’ of life, we should get along with almost any ‘HOW’. I was ever “The Young And The Restless” with an insatiable appetite and addiction for a fast and robust lifestyle. I was athirst for challenge. There were no wings to fly with; there was a clear and present danger of falling; yet my soul soared high to negotiate with gravity in a longing to touch the limit of the sky.

When it seems that all I have left are the dead remnants of the fabric of my life, opportunity that only knocks once at every men’s’ door; knocks again. In an age of nothing, at a time when I stood at the brink of my surrender, it awakened that which lies dormant within my soul. It re-ignited the flame of my consciousness, and measured the strength of my conviction. The truest lengthening of life to me is to live while we live, wasting no time but using every hour for the highest ends. So be it this day when I found Ziehan. I found and embraced the love that I was fortunate enough to re-discover. It was an opportunity so grand that it offered me something new to cherish. It helped strengthened my belief in myself, the future and in the things of this world that cannot be easily perceived. I used it to anchor myself in the sea of chaos, in the world we all live in today.

Suddenly memories of my haphazard years faded away and I suppose it’s just as well. What comes back is a new dawn every morning of every day since I knew Ziehan. I didn’t realize until recently that all my life she has always been there. I tried navigating back through the course of history with a hope of finding that defining moment; a moment that could have been but just wasn’t meant to be. That young girl was always there then; but the love was not. It might have been apathy or I was just simply blind. Whatever the case might have been then, a beautiful woman now evolves from the shadow of that young girl. Twenty-seven years too late or not, be the reason for one of everything; or all for nothing; it’s love resurrected.

I know that the best way to predict the future is to invent it. But there were times I found myself fearing for Ziehan when glimpses of my careless past raced through my emotion. There was no doubting my love for Ziehan; but when a man’s emotion is not in order, the more of it he has, the greater will be his confusion. The mere attempt to examine my own confusion would consume volumes.

I asked myself too many questions. I was my own reality show host. I was to become the man who invented the ‘Question Mark'. There was never a ready answer to everything and yet long did I wonder…

Have you ever wondered, what it would feel like, to hold a woman’s heart, and want her with all of your soul? Can you live up to her expectations? Will you make her as happy, as your words have led her to believe? Does the longing in your heart quit making it hard to breathe, or does it just continue, stronger than before? The big question still needs to be answered. Why would she ever consider allowing you any where close to her? Will she see, that you are there, because your heart won't allow you to be anywhere else? Is there reason to believe, that she feels the same way for you? Can a friendship develop into a long lasting relationship with a promise of a future? Does fate possibly work this way? Is she as apprehensive as you are? Are those fluttering in her stomach from joy, or rejection? Has she spent time with you, because the feeling was mutual, or just because she has some to spare? Has she finally realized, that she could do a hell of a lot better? How will you handle it, if she turns and walks away, disappointedly? If she sees you first, will she pretend not to? You've heard her voice, and fantasize her turning to you in the morning, to say wake up, but was that ever in the cards? Would she expect a kiss, and if so, how passionate? Do the daily emails, poems and phone calls, make her think you are pathetic, or do they convey the hope, and desire, as they were meant to? Are you pushing too much, and risking pushing her out of your life?

What is the proper approach, to meeting her? Do you meet, for the first time, at a restaurant, the hotel lobby, or should you pick her up for a movie? Her children are her life. Should your first meeting also include them? If you meet the children, what is the ratio of attention supposed to be? Where do you get the answers? Who makes the rules, and do they ever change?

It’s your first date, how do you proceed? Are you allowed to touch her arm, when making a point? Is holding her hand, at the table, acceptable? Can you put your arm around her, while walking? Is getting lost, in her eyes a good thing, or will she think you are a simpleton? Will she want serious conversation, and if so can you meet the challenge?

When dinner is over, what would be expected? A movie, a stroll around town, or God forbid, karaoke? Do you make plans, or just play it by ear? Can you hold her tighter, without her thinking you're just trying to get into her pants?

Will the end of this date, be the end of your relationship with her, or have you already blown it, by showing up in the first place? Is it fair to hope, that you can see her again tomorrow, and every tomorrow, for the next 50 or 60 years? Has she even thought about spending the rest of your lives together? Does the possibility excite her as much as it does you?

Will it be possible, to convince her, that you want her future life to be without the hurts, and worries of her past? Can she understand the love you feel for her? Does she believe, that you want her to be happy? Is there a way, to let her know, that you have never love like this before without it sounding like a line?

Could you be all that she wants, for herself, and her children? Would they accept some one taking some of her time? Can you be an influence, in making them into the responsible adults that they are to become?

As I lived with the questions without ever seeking the need for an answer, gradually, without noticing it, I found myself living along some distant days into the answer. And toward all that were unresolved in my heart, I was patient enough to know now that it is better to love some of the questions than all of the answers.