[::..Once Upon A Man..::]
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
[::..Y.I.S.S. - My SCHOOL Of Thought..::]
Many became toy soldiers or police ‘bedek’. Crook like me, we trained on our own. I was taught that to acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe. With this in mind, I skipped many a lesson and I observed a lot. Albert Einstein after all said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge…” Talking about which, that I have in abundance. I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. I know for a fact that knowledge is limited. Imagination however, encircles the world. At 13 years of age, I may be young, but I was old enough to be a hero among men. I constantly entertained myself by sitting back in class and plugging into a vision that only I could see. More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one none could ever see; it’s the battle that goes on within me, within my imagination.
I tried to be a student of knowledge; I was muzzled in schools, trained to sing the anthem, took the pledge of loyalty, for ten or fifteen years, and came out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words, and still did not know a thing. There was obviously something wrong with the institution. The problem lay buried, unspoken for many years in my mind. It was a strange stirring sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that I suffered in the middle of my educational process; and I struggled with it alone. As I struggled with my endeavors to excel, I was wary to ask even of myself the silent question: “Is this all?”
By a system so deliberate, the school found a way to segregate those with ‘artificial intelligence’ into a class of higher learning and alienate the rest into an academy of fools. This process was called ‘streaming’. I simply called it “Dumb And Dumber.” The great majority of the students were required to live a life of constant duplicity. Our education is bound to be affected, if day by day, we say the opposite of what we feel, if we grovel before what we dislike and rejoice at what bring us nothing but failure. This system mowed away a level playing field and created nothing but educational misadventure; and it can’t be forever violated with impunity. I cannot in conscience allow myself to be artificially inseminated by a seed of prejudice. The right of student should not be marginalized.
When I was streamed into a class supposedly better than other, I embarked on the only vehicle I knew then – PROTEST. As a result of which, I successfully ended school serving time with the rest of my “Band Of Brothers.” For this reason and with this reason alone, I acquired the best education that few possessed. Those privilege enough to be friends of the system would obviously argue on their personal merits. Merit or not, YISS ain’t Raffles; and the system that you gleefully espoused then did not yield among thou a rocket scientist, a doctor, a legislator or a lawyer…. A moral bankrupt – maybe.
I have no quarrel with the school though. It was just the system, the management and some of the teachers that I lack faith in. YISS was never a brand name then. It may have been named after the first president of the republic, but that doesn’t necessarily make its student the president’s scholars. I am only too aware that knowledge comes from education; but often when our pride seems wounded it not only leaves our vanity bleeding, it retards one’s pursuit for excellence. I am a patriot to my own course and I do not have to believe in anything simply because I have heard it. I do not have to believe in anything simply because it is rumored and spoken by many. I do not have to believe in anything simply because it is found written in my history books. I do not have to believe in anything merely on the authority of my teachers. I do not have to believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. It’s only after observation and analysis, when I find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, only then I will accept it and live up to it. And for a reason so sentimental, I believe that if I have to live back through time and do school all over again, I would never have traded YISS for any other institution…though it would pleasure me to see more teachers back then do a wireless bungee jumping just like the stunt our late Miss Lau did.
Monday, March 26, 2007
[::..Head Over HEAL - Time Cancels Pain..::]
I am in one of those moods today. Where everything seems surreal. Like I am an observer who is there in the middle of the action; but not really a part of it.
I feel like writing, stories, filled with hope and dreams and glimpses of worlds never before seen. Then the mood passes and I feel that door to the world I have seen, slowly close and seal itself, never to be opened again. Filling me with unknown longing and wonder. It’s weird.
All this because a good friend sought my counsel recently for an advice that I am only too aware he values little. As I write this, I have strong reason to believe that he is in a state of mourning. Mourning his own death from the joy and happiness of life that he knows not how to cherish. It is said in ancient journals and books of scribes much better than I, that the brave dies only once, but a coward dies many deaths.
Is it that worse to see one's dreams dashed against the cold stone reef of reality or to never have dreamt at all? You may be a wretched soul, bruised with adversity, but you do not own pain. Pain, the right to which only belongs to the man who strives valiantly and spends himself in a worthy cause; and when he fails, he fails while daring greatly.
Any idiot can feel pain. The trick is not how much pain you suffer – but how much joy you feel. Life is so full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, EXCUSES! Just because Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill did not come tumbling after, there’s simply no reason good enough for Humpty Dumpty to sit on the wall just waiting for that great fall. Alas, I now know too well that to argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.
When I am all alone I feel as though I am mere inches from some great truth that I am supposed to find and understand, but can never reach. As though the path I am following is of my own making and yet, not at all, at the same time. I wish I knew what to do. Sometimes, when I am walking outside I will simply stare at the world around me. It is funny how we can live our whole life without ever really living. I sometimes wonder if we are truly meant to be something in this world. I always seem to look at things so much differently than everyone else. I smile when others are silent, I laugh when no one is around...I am different.
The human mind is indeed the most amazing and powerful of computers. Transient and temporary though it is, it is very powerful. The most unnerving of questions that this computer can pose is "why?" Why do we do what we do? So full of questions. Will anything but our own advancement come of it? Still more questions. We go from one mundane task to another yet never really accomplish anything of importance. I do realize that importance is merely a matter of perspective. Yes, indeed the human mind is a powerful computer, but to what ends? “To what ends?” I asked. Still more questions. Greater gifts have never been given than those conceived in the mind, nor greater crimes. Slowly, we bob, just barely above the surface, adrift in a fathomless sea of doubt and self-pity. Awash in our own ignorance, we choose not to see the truth and to learn from what has happened, instead we lower our eyes and blunder through life committing the same mistakes our father's and their father's fathers and the fathers before them might have made. Will it never end? Will we never understand? Still more questions.
Love, an ethereal thing that is as beautiful as a shimmering rainbow reflected in the awed eyes of a child, as cruel as the cold bite of steel in flesh. Must we always pass through trial and tribulation before we experience it, must there always be a moment of truth before it surrounds us? Still more questions. Slowly I drag myself back to the surface. Pulling the threads of reality back around my heart, building once more the walls that will forever make me different. That set me apart. But is it truly so bad to be different, I think to myself as I become more of myself and at the same time less than I was. For in its own way isn't everything different? I allow my facade to crack into a quirky grin...will these questions never end? I ask myself once again...Still more questions.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
[::..PAIN - Cuts Like A Knife.....::]
Look to your health; and if you have it, praise GOD and value it next to conscience; for health is the second blessing that we constantly take for granted, that we are capable of ignoring, a blessing that money can’t buy. A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses. Today I learned that the more severe the pain or illness, the more severe will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits, or acquiring some new and better ones. It is amazing how much crisper the general experience of life becomes when your body is given a chance to develop a little strength.
Here is the story of a man who always wants to carry too much. My spiritual quest is the painful process of learning to let go of things not essential. If you are distressed by anything external, I realized now that the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this we have the power to revoke at any moment. It feels odd at how sometime we can get so anesthetized by our own pain or our own problem that we don’t quite fully share the suffering of someone close to us.
But pain… seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. This being said let us for a moment believe and wonder that being dead is quite painless. Thus if death is painless, how much pain can pain be. Pain, like time, is going to come regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life without the test of trials and tribulations, without the test of resolves and without the test of our perseverance.
I know pain well..
for it sheds tears for fears.
Pain cuts into me..
It’s sharp and cuts deep..
Where joy used to be,
fears tend to creep.
Everybody's been there,
at sometime in their life.
Most are aware..
of pain’s sharp knife.
You cannot guard against pain,
if it means to come your way.
You can only try in vain,
and hope it doesn't stay.