Conspiracy theory has now freed my household from Coke and all other snazzy carbonated sodas that come in different tastes and in living colors. They all say that it’s bad for my health. By health I mean the power to live a full, adult, living, breathing life in close contact with... the earth and the wonders thereof - the sea - the sun – the sex. Of course I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

I have long surrendered my liberty to both Ziehan and Mariam who have now jointly assumed equal command and government over the sovereignty of my stomach. They’ve decided between them that a house is no home unless it contains friendly food and healthy drink for the mind as well as the body. Hence the refrigerator is like a mini pharmacy now. All stocked up with Nutrisoy and all other sundries enough to bake cheesecakes and brownies. Under their strict regime, foods and drinks look almost alike. When drinks are made of beans and foods are made of mostly water, it’s hard to tell them apart. I didn’t realize until recently that Mariam also owns a magic kitchen. One that is equipped with special effect. All things that look delicious on the stove and smell nice in the air can suddenly become porridge on the dining table. Gone were those days when the air was clean and sex was dirty!! One thing I learned though – Treasure the love you have received above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health has vanished.

Today, the only way to keep my health is to eat what I don’t want, drink what I don’t like, and do what I’d rather not. A good healthy sumptuous meal is like sex nowadays; when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. I can’t be too careful now; ignorance after all is the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conduced, will yield the imagination of a higher joy than any fiction. Ziehan and Mariam struggled just as much as I did trying to cope with my pain. Those many days and those many nights that I was on intravenous drips, they ate good foods. And eat they will… come winter, spring, summer or fall.

Nothing in life is promised except death. In “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” JK Rowling wrote, “It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” I guess that's how death works. It doesn't matter if we're ready or not. It just happens. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome…the safest course is to do nothing against one’s conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with a multi level marketing health supplement salesman? Just like everybody else, I was hospitalized hoping to be excused from death. These health conscious freaks are going to feel stupid someday. Lying in hospitals dying of nothing. They use their imagination to scare your guts out and then inspire you to live by their pills.

I don’t live by anything other than the love that I have for Ziehan. Sickness and healings are in every heart; death and deliverance in every hand. This afternoon, on the way to the hospital, I might have received an sms from GOD…and it reads:

“Back in the office. Bought Manuka honey for you. Make sure you take it, because I’ve paid good money for it. Love you.”

No act of kindness, no matter how small, should ever be ignored. I couldn’t thank her enough for all the good that she has given me in sickness and in health. To recompense kindness for kindness, My MANUKA Love Song is specially penned for you.

My MANUKA Love Song

My Honey bought me honey,
With good penny of her money,
She paid good money for the honey,
To keep happy her horny honey.

Within the forest of Auckland’s wood,
If it ain’t Manuka, it ain't as good,
With good money for the honey she paid for MANUKA,
My horny honey wants to play ‘Atuuk zouk zouk Lana.’