//Mouth2Mouth & Lips Inc\\

[::.."You'll Never Walk Alone"..::]

As I look back to those moments of time when we exchanged glances from across the table at The Coffee Beans, I can still remember the smile in her eyes as I stared deeply into them. The hunger we felt was never divulged, and it lay dormant inside of us until love conquers all.

It was something that neither of us ever expected. But as with all things in fate, when the time is right and the feeling is real, there is no stopping it. As we sat staring each other across the dinner table, watching each other in the flicker of the candlelight, we time-traveled all the way “Back To the Future” – reminiscing our yesterdays

The date was 4th March 2008 and that day dawned all to early for me. It is not everyday that someone can experience a joy as unique as the one that Ziehan and I have been sharing. From the open verandah of Villa Ginger, against the soft tranquil of the Botanic Garden, the evening was perfect, all but for the butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

To be in our mid forties and in love – I have come full circle and stopped questioning the directory of my journey. We do know however, that we can only ever give away what we have. To love another truly and completely, demands beliefs – that of ourselves and that of our future. Between Ziehan and I, we do know that this love means everything to us. And we had since agreed never to surrender our fates to them that lack the belief. This much I know – when who we are, our identity, or sense of self is determined by another person, it’s when we are weakest and most susceptible to dangers. When we allow another person to determine our happiness and our reason to live our lives by the rules of their dictates is when disaster strikes hardest.

I am prepared to learn from anyone who walks into my path and is willing to teach and share And I want to be an example to show that there is beauty in all pains and sufferings. It was here at the open verandah of Villa Ginger that I looked into the eyes of this woman, that I saw a pillar of hope and strength with also beauty and grace that belied her age. Between Ziehan Jazz and Mary Jazz, they produce combine energy enough to illuminate the initial darkness of my life with bright spark of light.

There are many facets to this man. I am a husband to two, a papa to three, a mentor to many bros, and also a social worker to my plants. Now I am also trying hard to be a survivor in part of nature’s process called ‘FATE.’ From expressing my bittersweet yearning and delicate pleas to the feeling of joy and abandonment, Ziehan knew that I have felt it all.

Against the picturesque and quaint surrounding of an Old Botanic, it was in her path that I placed my destiny. As we walked the long and winding road towards the exit, we experienced a kind of peace and tranquility that cannot be found anywhere else. It was as if GOD was with us.

Today, it reminds me that while in life there may be pain and suffering, there’s a lot of joy as well and there’s something waiting at the end of it. But before we get there, in the meantime, we have to make every day meaningful.

To these two women in my life, together we have come to realize our capacity to love as being able to allow, accept, share and appreciate each other for who we all are. What we do and what we have is called love because when we share unselfishly, together we belong, together we are part of something bigger than ourselves, and together we have the potential to blossom from strength to strength.

In the meantime, my first step to healing and recovery is to admit the truth about my painful journey. The sooner I face the truth, the easier it is for all to understand. At the heart of living my best life for whatever that remains, is to free those that I truly love from the burden of my sufferings. If I am not committed to facing reality, how can I build self-efficacy with the confidence to prevail? Like I said before - To love another truly and completely, demands beliefs – that of ourselves and that of our future – with this in mind, I know that I am perched on a solid foundation where I am best placed to inspire courage.

All Work and No Play Will Make Jazz A Dull Boy - 7:27:00 PM

Thursday, June 26, 2008

[::..Banana Republic Of The Holy Ghosts..::]

I’m aware – and flattered – that I’m gossiped about. Gossip is telling “made up” or partial truths about someone else, to further one’s own purpose. I suppose people who engage in conjecture, assumption and mind reading with the intent of entertaining themselves; have their own higher purpose. Perception is everything in gossips, therefore whether the subjects leveled against any particular individuals are true or not, those who thirst at the opportunity for a place in a network and in the union of the ‘holy ghosts’, will always take the side of the story that favors their own line of thinking. In a ‘I scratch your back, you scratch my back’ world, any form of alliance is an opportunity. As long as each has a place in the universe where they are their own brightest sun, they don’t have to be friends, relatives or sisters. Usually, they can just push their way through with people. They are all in the same league; a pushy, contemptuous and egotistical women with an exaggerated sense of dignity

It’s all just human stuff. I can’t help it when people often mistake those who are confident about their capability or who are relaxed about looking good as being loud, proud or an attention seeker. On the contrary, it’s always the self-conscious, weak, insecure egotistical monkeys that personalize and focus mainly on themselves.

I am not challenging morality, provoking dissent and disrespect, or encouraging over indulgence. All I’ve been trying to say was – “if you can’t co-exist among us for the greater good of all, how the FUCK is that my problem?”

I know for a fact that it upsets certain species of monkeys that I’m candid. Throughout human history, you see that the worst problems for people almost always come from other people, and it’s the same for monkeys. You can put them anywhere in the world – USA, Afghanistan, Iraq, Westport, Longhill, Teluk Saga or Planet Of the Apes for that matter, but when small monkeys try to project big image, one can’t help but to observe their typical intense devotion or an overzealous ambition to become KING KONG. Among them, we will notice there is always that same old frantic ambition to pull, minute by minute, every available string with a patronizing superiority to prove their worth, only to draw the attention of crowds who in the end mattered least.

When we accept ourselves, we’ve nothing to prove. There’s no need to conform, compete or claim for superiority. Self-confident people express themselves clearly and live to experience life fully. Ziehan and I have happily given up our prohibitions because being authentic is important to us. This is what operating from abundance actually means. Tapped into a force greater than ourselves, we work for the benefit of all. What we do goes beyond seeking personal glorification.

Today however, I woke up feeling the need to spin something noteworthy for the good of all to judge, to bring to the surface and lay bare for all and sundry to feast their eyes on, to be the one instead with that frantic ambition to pull, minute by minute, every available string with a patronizing attitude to prove my worth. After all, I did promise a certain individual a cost free advertisement in my space – REMEMBER?

For a start, let’s discuss those ‘damned fucking pigs shisha friends’ that you were so incensed at. Through these ‘pigs’, you planted the seed of doubt by accusing others of playing a prominent role in your burning household. Now, if these ‘pigs’ became ‘pigs’ for a reason only you knew best, my question is – how different a ‘PIG’ are you for your prominent role in a family crisis that’s never yours to be involved in?

Now that you have my attention, please do not flatter yourself. Your attempt to project yourself as the leading light of your Klaz generation is but a hollow boast. You think of yourself as a genuine article, a monumental figure, in the mould of a charismatic woman. But the self-seeking publicity that you constantly sought in Klaz made it patently obvious that you have a ‘genetic character disorder’ with an oversize ego that looks at others in a very narrow form. Much too often, you question the probity of many good people around you with a hope to leave them blemish.

In one of your vitriolic outburst against those ‘damned fucking pigs shisha friends’, I remember you wrote “Ishh..ishh..ishh!! korang semua ada maen peranan lah babe!” - This is just one fine example of your ‘genetic character disorder.’ You should have sought counsel with some of the ‘holy ghosts’ from your ‘Banana Republic’ whose monologue more often was like a press conference that extolled your group’s efforts to create a morally upright and virtuous Republic. As sure as I am now that you are no different a ‘PIG’ than those that you cursed and swore, lest you forget – “ENGKAU PUN ADA MAIN PERANAN LA BEB!!!”

All Work and No Play Will Make Jazz A Dull Boy - 12:50:00 AM